《炎興》讀者留言收集處 & 更新訊息

三國末年歷史寓言小說《炎興》by maltz
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Re: 《炎興》讀者留言收集處

帖子 maltz » 2014-10-12, 18:14

tang23san9 写道COLON感覺第三部的序,茂大其實可以寫得更好一些,目前感覺茂大意圖在短短一個序章中把諸葛玉從童蒙時期一直到錦竹關之戰都稍作回顧,導致過大的信息量難以梳理,這讓人感到惋惜。其實我覺得茂大可精簡一些像練武時欺負諸葛尚等讀者不急於知曉,同時對塑造氣氛幫助有限的信息,留到後面再談。
臨近尾聲,姜維拒絕出兵陽安之後的最後一小部分,毫無舖墊突然就冒出了把命借給諸葛瞻打最後一仗,從先前的文字完全看不出任何因果關係,作為結尾感覺有些突兀。
謝謝,終於寫到那裡了。回頭看覺得要劇透太麻煩,所以整個刪掉了! :on_sweat:

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尚書 & 尚書郎

帖子 maltz » 2014-10-13, 21:26

以前以為尚書就是尚書郎,但不是。
尚書台各種小吏 < 尚書郎 < 尚書 < 尚書僕射(二把手) < 尚書令 (一把手) = XXX 平尚書台事 (一把手) < XXX 錄尚書事 (天降)

华阳国志曰:文立字广休,少治毛诗、三礼,兼通群书。刺史费祎命为从事,入为尚书郎,复辟祎大将军东曹掾,稍迁尚书

查證:
第三部 張遵從 尚書郎 改成 尚書
黃崇 尚書郎 不變 (小官破格提拔當軍職副手,瞻舅的眼光不錯)

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更新 3-22, 3-23

帖子 maltz » 2014-10-16, 22:12

更新:
3-22 開頭加上嵇縈一段"出山"感想:

好在護衛以山頭枯樹撐開軍帳,架起雨棚。我換上乾爽的襦服,把被雨打濕的隨身香囊放在營火邊烘乾。

「小玉,妳會不會後悔妳以前做的事?」
「不會,我從不後悔。」
「是嗎?」嵇縈放下兵書。「我挺後悔隱居在深山裡頭。」
「為什麼?」
「天下有太多狗屁倒灶的事情,我袖手旁觀,只是偶爾張嘴批評,他們哪裡做得到子路『聞過則喜』?這樣無濟於事的,不如學妳舅舅動手做,嘗試改變他們。」

嵇縈同意舅舅,真好。

「這是小玉的娘給的?」嵇縈指著火堆邊的羅綺錦囊。
「不,是我生父的遺物。但裡頭有我娘親筆的字條。」
「錦囊妙計?」
「算吧?」

3-23 開頭加上小玉追殺逃兵:

我率護衛飛騎下山,直奔縣城南門,石板道上散落著屍首,城牆上血跡斑斑,方才必有一場殺戮。木門緊閉,城樓上尚書郎黃崇要我向東追趕,殺多少算多少,別讓他們投奔鄧艾。我率領諸騎沿金牛道向東疾馳,在夜雨間追上數十名逃亡漢軍--

「手下留情,家有父母妻小!」即使他們苦苦跪地哀求,臨陣脫逃者,依軍令立斬不赦,我無能為力。
不,我憎恨他們的膽怯。軍法只是處死他們的藉口。

但衛將軍令隨後傳來,終止追擊,速回縣城。

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小玉身高加長

帖子 maltz » 2014-10-17, 01:23

3-23 小玉身高加長 (張遵:張飛八尺半,小玉七尺多一些)。
查資料漢代七尺 1.61-1.69 m 的說法都有。那麼符合今日的美女審美,小玉就比七尺多一些吧。 :on_vaderlove:

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Re: 《炎興》讀者留言收集處 & 更新訊息

帖子 maltz » 2014-10-21, 05:44

1-15 (與未來)

譙周的自稱由"老夫"改為"周"。
譙周是尊循古法的人,古法七十歲自稱"老夫",譙周生於 201 年,在 263 年不能自稱"老夫"。

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3-16

帖子 maltz » 2014-10-21, 09:27

3-16 改龍床為龍榻
當時胡床還未進化至龍床,因此改龍床為龍榻。天子坐在地上。

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第三部 序 加上亢龍有悔

帖子 maltz » 2014-10-22, 23:52

第三部 序 加上一段 諸葛果要小玉抄 易經乾卦 "亢龍有悔" 的解釋 (3-29 的線索)。

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嵇縈英文訪問

帖子 maltz » 2014-10-25, 09:12

第三部真悲傷,所以穿越連線,以英語訪問炎興第一女主角嵇縈,讓讀者輕鬆一下:

图片

maltz:"Miss Ji! What a pleasure."
Ying:"Where are your manners! I am your ancestor!" :on_furious:
maltz:"Yes! Greatest Grandma Ji!"
Ying:"Ah don't call me that. You people are from... 1750 years later? I am surprised that mankind survived this long."
maltz:"Yes, many think we won't last for another 1750. Much has changed! Let's show you how our people live."

* Our 3rd-century correspondent opens up an IPAD for Ji Ying as she browses through Facebook/Weibo pages, where people share their vacation and food photos."

Ying: "Sh*t! You people eat better than that moron emperor!" :on_waley:
maltz:"Many do!"
Ying: "You are all bloody rich! I guess in your time, there is no more 'first-level people' anymore? Every body is a philosopher, curious about why things are and how things work, sometimes poking fun at superstitions? No more money, fame, and beauty sh*t?"
:on_aww:

maltz: " :on_sweat: Not every body has something to brag about. It's still a mixed bag of jewels. But I suppose our gold content has much improved since your time. OK, I have some questions that our readers wish you to answer. Are you ready?"
Ying: "Shoot."

maltz: "Okay... I hope it is not impolite yet in your time - let's verify your age first. According to your father's letter to Shan Tao (山濤), you are 5 years older than your brother, who was born in 253. So you were born in year 248?"
Ying: "How would I know your calendar? Yes, I suppose?"
maltz: "So you are only a 15-year-old girl? In your time,16?"
Ying: "You have a problem with that, weird uncle from the future?"

maltz: "No, no! I just need to remove some of the more... er, adult content in Book 4. :on_stress: OK, so you are roughly equivalent to our junior high school year 3 student."
Ying: "What?"

(Our correspondent shows Ji Ying some textbook content on the IPAD.)

Ying: :on_lightning: "Wow. Zhuge Zhan would laugh in his grave! All your people at age 15 study Chu Shi Biao (出師表)? Do you people read Zhong Hui's 'Cai Xing Si Ben Luen' (才性四本論)?"
maltz: "I am afraid that one has lost to the ages."
Ying: "Ha! In your face, @sshole!" :on_laugh:

maltz: :on_sweat: "How about some lighthearted material. Tell us about your favorite food."
Ying: "I want to eat that small man alive! Normally I do anything with bamboo shoots."

maltz:"Why do you like to wear yellow?"
Ying:" :on_shrug: "I used to wear blue-green like this. It provides a perfect camouflage in a dark bamboo forest, so I can sneak up to bad guys and slit their throats."
maltz: :on_cold:
Ying:"But once I came to Chao Zhen temple (朝真觀), there was nothing but yellow dress in the closet. I had no choice."

maltz:" :on_exhausted: Actually I can add to this answer this myself - Miss Ji spoke yellow words in the previous story (幻)"

Ying: "That reminds me, why didn't you finish it? How can you face your readers? If you do that again, I will let you taste my Fish-bowel sword!" :on_furious:

maltz: :on_cry: "How sharp exactly is Fish-bowel sword? It cuts off heads; it even cuts a sword in half! It is not scientific!" :on_tantrum:
Ying:"You tell me?" (looks down at her sword)

maltz:"OKAY, I thought there must be some kick-ass weapon in a war story, so... if a weapon is made by a grand-master like your father, it must be a grand-master-level artifact, right?"
Ying:"I didn't know wisdom can translate to a weapon. It sounds like Tian Ren Gan Ying (天人感應), which is f*cking b*llsh*t."

maltz:"...Ok let me ask about Guqin, your music instrument inherited form your father. How come your mind always wander off when you play it?"
Ying: "Other than it is impossible describe pitch with words? Qin has a rather slow tempo, allowing the performer to pour her thoughts into the next note... NO I just made that up. The tea house pays by the hour. Those fools wouldn't complain that you play too slowly -- they either don't pay any attention anyway, or they are too smart to not understand fine art. You get it?"
:on_mafia:

maltz:"...OK... How about your thoughts on Yanxing's meaning? Do you think it is a workable thesis to encourage the modern-day hermits to come out and change the world?"
Ying:"If there is any? Well you guys are so rich, and you have this insane public education, so there must be quite a lot."
maltz:"I hope."

Ying: "Then sure. When people reach a certain level of wisdom and material living standard, they naturally want to contribute something back to the society. Your target readers are those who are already satisfied in their pursuit in beauty, fame, morality, and knowledge, but before they have done too much to fulfill their destinies. So you are looking at age 20s at least, 30s maybe. In our time, they don't have too many years left already. Maybe more years in your time, since you people are rich enough to HAVE MEAT EVERY DAY?"

maltz: "Average life-span today ranges from 70s to 80s."
Ying: "F*ck! Can I come to your time, please? I don't want to die young!" :on_scared:
maltz: "You won't! Okay, personally, what's your feeling that many Confucian ideals have actualized in our time?"

Ying: "You lucky bastards. How many of your people are Taixue(太學) graduates?"
maltz:"According to official 2014 survey, currently 20% of Chinese netizens have college/university or higher education."

Ying: :on_computer: "F*ck me, you just said 200 out of 1000 families? Zhuge Zhan would crawl out of his grave if he hears this. So I suppose you see equivalents of 'Seven Sages of the Bamboo Grove' (竹林七賢) everywhere?"

maltz:"Pretty much, though people don't make up those cheesy names anymore."
Ying: "WHAT?"
maltz: :on_sweat: "We import cheese from barbarians. So yes, there are indeed many knowledgeable writers, and unfortunately, more of the less knowledgeable kind as well. I am one of the less knowledgeable, of course."

Ying: :on_lie: "You think the other six sages could write? Don't complain! Think about what kind of sh*t your ancestors had to endure."

maltz: "Yes! OK, next reader's question - hm, what would you pick if you are a fictional character in a medieval setting? A warrior, a thief, a cleric, a mage, or something else? 'I bet you would be a good thief, which can be evolved into an assassin,' this reader remarked."

Ying: "Thief? Assassin? Stealing and killing people for fun? How dare one looks down on his ancestor like this. I will be a mage. One fireball sends hundreds of pigs and dogs in the air, Buhahaha."
:on_panda:

maltz: "... speaking of political correctness, I am curious about your opinions on international politics. Let's start with this question...what's your take on Sino-US relationship? Who asked this?"
Ying:"What relationship?"
maltz: "In our age, the offsprings of Han and Wei form one of the two great countries in the world. Well, we are not as great as the other one yet. But many believe we will surpass them in several decades. So naturally there is a lot of tension between the two countries. The current superpower tries not to be surpassed by us."

Ying: "Oh. You two are like Han and Wei? Two countries fighting each other today?"
maltz: "We are not at war yet, fortunately. The Americans think we are like Wei people, and we think the Americans are like Wei people."
Ying: "Is that true? You are both @ssholes?"

maltz: "We do sling muds at each other's face - mostly out of fear and ignorance."
Ying: "Normal. Then you hate each other enough so you fight, until one gets destroyed. Good luck! Don't lose this time!"

maltz: "I hope that day never comes. OK next question: how do you think about the umbrella revo... thing in HK? Oh this is very sensitive, so please answer it with care."
Ying: "Huh? People rebel using umbrella? Did they run out of weapons? Good luck."
maltz: "It is just a protest."

Ying: "OH like what happened on Chengdu Taixue square?" :on_curious:
maltz: "Pretty much. Without racial slurs, OK just a bit. To help you understand the situation, let's assume Chengdu, which has millions of people, becomes autonomous under the consent of Wei. But now the people of Chengdu demand more autonomy, having full freedom in choosing their ruler."

Ying: "So it is like a coup to restore Han? What a fantastic idea! But you have to get rid of Deng Ai. Is there a Deng Ai in that city?"
maltz: "Not everybody is trying to restore Han. In our age it is just common to demand freedom."

Ying: "Like Taoist hermits do? Interesting. Does your Sima Zhao allow this?"
maltz: "Yes and no. Let's say that most people believe a healthy dose of freedom leads to creativity, motivation, and prosperity."

Ying: "Let millions of people decide what they want to do on their own ? Sounds like utter chaos and destruction in my time." :on_picknose:
maltz: "Let's hope we are more rational than our dear ancestors 1700 years ago. OK, next contemporary international politics topic for our interviewee form Wei-Jin Dynasty..."

Ying: "Just ask!"
maltz: "What's your take on religious extremism and terrorism?"

Ying: "Like the Yellow Turban Rebellion? (黃巾之亂/起義)"
maltz: "Yes, something like that."

Ying: "Suppression for the short-term, education for the long-term."
maltz: "I personally don't believe in suppression."
Ying: :on_chin: "Let's just call it 'necessary measures to maintain public order'.You never miss it until you need it."

maltz: "Okay... You know, you are quite a Leftist in our standard. But you were so Right in your time." (see footnote)
Ying: "Yes I am so frequently right, I know, can't help it." :on_blush:
maltz: "... Time has changed and I like the direction it is changing. Final question! it is a little personal..."

Ying: "Ask away."

maltz: "Did you fall in love with Zhuge Zhan at first sight?"
Ying: :on_totallove: "How can you resist a tall, handsome, strong, sexy-voiced gentle dude? But he is almost as old as my dad. Can't do."

maltz: "Then how about Maozi?"
Ying: "You are no where near Zhuge Zhan."
maltz: "...I mean maozi in the story, not maltz."

Ying: "You let me slit this SOB's throat! Don't stop me!" :on_bash:
maltz: "But he gets a sh*tty job...he does his best to avoid harms."
Ying: "I don't care! I will cut off his tongue myself!"

maltz: "OK... let thanks Ms. Ji Ying for joining us tonight! I hope you get a good rest in Mt. Blue City. See you again in Book 4!" :on_cong:

Note: In current Chinese usage, Left = authoritarian & equality, Right = liberal & freedom. In current Western usage, Left = liberal & equality, Right = authoritarian & freedom.

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Re: 更換跑道,調整呼吸

帖子 maltz » 2014-11-03, 09:07

maltz 写道COLON 2015. 01 最遲,開始第四部。想嘗試創新的寫作手法,所以可能不是傳統的小說章節,而是像一段一段史詩一樣的東西。總長度約在十萬字。
到時候再仔細規劃。 :on_vaderthink:
新工作開始之前休息了一陣子,所以結束了第三部!第四部也開了頭。
但史詩敘事太注重表面,而不易(精準地)表現內容,所以還是用原本的寫法。

明天開始就忙了,希望維持每週一節以上的更新進度。 :on_aww:
中、長期預告:希望能在 2015 年 2 月之前結束四部連載 (三個月寫完第四部,時間應該很充份)。
接著回頭寫導讀。再回頭整修。整修幾遍以後再上傳到各小說網站去。

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4-10 加一段打鬥

帖子 maltz » 2014-11-18, 10:12

好歹鄧艾被抓之前還是露了一手:

還來不及多想,鄧艾已出書房,大吼「跟上!」,忽然後門一陣急切拍叫,鄧艾放下門閂,飛腿一踹,「砰!」木門大開,伴隨一聲「啊呀」慘叫,外頭三個魏軍,一人仰倒在地,缽盔滾落一旁,鼻裂出血!「抓反賊!」兩名魏軍拔刀大呼,鄧艾寶劍出鞘,劍勢靈巧,左首魏兵閃避不及,正中咽喉,頓時慘死,右首魏兵鐵刀砍來,鄧艾飛身閃過,這刀差點砍我身上,魏兵還來不及收刀勢,卻被鄧艾頸後一劍,刺倒在地!「走!」鄧艾已到門外,忽然先前倒地魏軍掙扎起身,舉刀要砍鄧艾,我隨後趕到,高舉瓷瓶,全力砸他腦門--

「砰!」「哇啊!」
神獸嗜血,瓷瓶竟然沒破!

料理了三個衛兵,左右張望,幸好,小巷裡沒有更多魏軍,而師纂只在五戶以外!

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